Friends Vs Relatives

Some wise person has said, “Friends are the relatives you choose.”  I used to find perfect sense in this until some time back. Not that anything went wrong anywhere but then a deep thought into this statement made me think otherwise.  I would rather prefer relatives than friends.  I’ll tell you why.

First of all, relatives are not chosen by you.  They are more or less laden on you..so and so is your cousin…so and so is your uncle/aunt so on and so forth.  There are certain limitations on being relatives.  Being a relative involves a lot more effort than being a friend I guess.  We do tend to take that extra step towards our relatives than we might with our friends.  Well, I never used to do that.  I’ve always taken extra steps towards friends than my relatives, but somehow I feel the security of not getting hurt is more in case of your relatives than your friends.

Friends are more prone to take you for granted, where a relative might think twice before doing that….coz he/she will have to repeat it in the future as well.  There is a certain level of caution that is exercised being a relative.  You tend to cross your boundaries, tend to take them for granted, and also tend to overdo stuff when you are just friends with a person.  Relatives will think twice before blurting out something that might hurt you as they would be answerable in the future as well.  However, friends might not think as much before voicing out their opinions blatantly even if it hurts the other person.  To make things worse, they might not feel the need to apologize as different egos come to play.  Why won’t they let their egos play down….they are not answerable in the future.  It’s me who chose you, right? So, I’m taking the decision of walking away from the friendship. Your relatives unfortunately (or fortunately) don’t have such choices.  A cousin still remains a cousin no matter what the circumstances are or will be.  A friend need not be a friend, right?

Another thing is, we can take s**t from our relatives, specially the elders but not from our friends.  I mean, yes, to an extent everyone does from their friends as well but TO AN EXTENT.  Now, who decides this extent? Do we finalize this “extent” before we make friends with a certain person? No, right? This develops over a period of time after knowing the person’s likes, dislikes, way of behaving etc.  Now what if your friend changes over a period of time of which you remain unaware of? You still behave in a certain way which is not welcomed by him/her!  Now it’s your turn not to take any s**t from that person and there you go….years of friendship down the drain.  Somehow, I don’t see that happening usually with your relatives.  With them, it’s just a matter of time. 

Meeting friends’ expectations is another issue altogether.  If you do not act/ react/ behave in a certain manner which is “expected” from you, you might just get stricken off their friend’s list.  Just one instance and you are gone…doesn’t matter all the good stuff you’ve done earlier for them..but one wrong doing and that is what would be kept in mind for the rest of their lives.  Why does this happen?  Coz you chose to be friends, right? It’s easier with relatives…you know what a certain relative of yours expects.  What is to be done, how is it to be done etc. etc.   And if you aren’t sure about it either your parents or someone elder than you will surely guide you about how to go about this certain relative of yours.  Such an easy job! You are sorted.  But not in the case of friends.  Its complicated!